Third time's the charm
by Relliurad
Summary: Lyna Mahariel, Hero of Ferelden, was alone. Twice in love, twice left, now she was committed to rebuilding the Wardens and Vigil's Keep. She wanted a peaceful existence. She'd earned it. But when the Blight was the happiest time of your life and dark spawn are a welcome interruption, peace and quiet isn't always guaranteed. (Set after Awakenings, everybody survived).
1. Chapter 1

*AN* G'day. Just a quick note here. This is set after Awakenings, assuming that everybody survived (i know that's not the way it really went, but I wanted to play with all the characters). Alistair is the king, the Warden Commander is a Dalish Elf, and Alistair slept with Morigan so that the Warden (Lyna) could survive killing the Arch Demon.

Also, a HUGE thank you to catsplosion for reading this and encouraging me to post it. This is my first posted fic and it wouldn't be here with out her encouragement. Check out her story - Run and Hide and Seek. It's AWESOME!

Ok, that's enough. Now on with the fic.

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Looking back, it hadn't been such a bad life. Growing up Dalish meant freedom and a connection to nature that those poor fools stuck in the alienages just wouldn't understand. Lyna had spent her days hunting, and spending time with her friends, and never really had to work for a living, not in the sense that the shemlen and the elves in the alienage did. She could do as she pleased, within reason, and the honour of helping the clan was so satisfying.

But she had been too stupid to realise just how good life had been. When Tamlen had died she thought it was just another thing that had gone wrong for her, and she was sure she was the unluckiest elf alive. Oh losing Tamlen was horrific, and seeing what became of him was worse. They had thought they would be married one day, and they certainly spent all their time together, but somehow Lyna had managed to make it all about herself, ignoring the pain that the others had felt, and proving (without realising) just how selfish she really was.

And then Duncan had brought her into the Grey Wardens and, rather than feeling it was a new chance, she fought against it all the time. She wasn't part of this world, she didn't really know if she wanted to help the shem. After the slaughter and betrayal at Ostagar she really was tempted to give it all up and go back to her clan.

The horrors she saw, on top of the gut-wrenching agony of having to leave her home, almost dying, experiencing every nightmarish event that followed - well it all should have been too much. And it would have been, if not for him.

Alistair Therin, Grey Warden and, now, king of Ferelden. It was funny to think that the Blight had been a happier time, but in a way it was. When they had been travelling Ferelden, gathering an army and solving every single problem anybody presented them (really, she needed to learn to say no to people), they were together and it was wonderful. Death and chaos and destruction, and yet it was wonderful. Surely he would laugh at that.

Oh she missed his laugh. And his awkward comments and deflections as he tried to hide his embarrassment. She found herself now often being caught unawares by recollections of his witty one-liners and romantic gestures. She was meant to be the 'Hero of Ferelden', and yet her breath would catch if she ever caught sight of anybody with even the most passing resemblance to him. Maker, but she would even get wistful when she saw a lamppost.

Yes she licked that lamppost! But not anymore.

When he had finally accepted that he was to be the king, for the good of Ferelden, he showed just how committed to justice and honour he was. Willing to put his personal feelings aside for the greater good. And that meant putting her aside as well.

"Ferelden isn't ready for a Dalish queen Lyna, I'm sorry. And the kingdom will need an heir." And he had seemed so sincere that she found herself agreeing to be friends with him all the same.

But as soon as she was able to leave she was glad to get out of Denerim. Travelling to Vigil's Keep in the North, and taking up a nice, quiet job as arlessa, rebuilding the Grey Wardens and waiting for her Calling, would be so much easier than having to face Alistair, and wait for the news that he had wed and, even worse, had a child.

Even being faced with the fact that darkspawn had somehow invaded the Keep and slaughtered almost all there was slightly less unpleasant that having to be Alistair's friend. But then he showed up, to welcome her to the Keep and she'd let herself have a glimmer of hope that perhaps he had changed his mind. They could work out a way around the problems they faced. They might even be able to have a child. There could be a king to follow Alistair; they just needed to find a way. They had defeated the archdemon and stopped the Blight. Surely conception couldn't be much harder than that?

But he didn't even stay for a meal.

And now she found herself having to rule a region that was torn apart by the corruption that Rendon Howe had wrought, as well as tending to every single person's problems (seriously Lyna, say no to people!), counter the complaints of the various villagers, and try to convince Nathaniel Howe not to kill her. Oh, and she had to work out a way to keep Anders in line. That in itself could be a full time job!

What was a few more darkspawn with the ability to speak? That wasn't all that big a deal was it?

And again, she found herself dreaming of the "good old days' during the Blight!


	2. Chapter 2

Nathaniel Howe was not a happy man. All his life he had tried to please his father, doing whatever he was told. To discover that his father had become some sort of monster was almost too much to bear, he refused to accept the stories he had heard about what Rendon Howe had done to the people. It was a war, things happened during the war. Nathaniel had returned to Vigil's Keep with the sole intention of destroying the woman that had destroyed his family, but somehow his plans had changed. He found himself wanting a memory, a token, of the life that had been lost. He expected to be murdered for his crimes, and had almost resigned himself to that fate when fate, it seemed, chose a different path for him,

And so now he was a Grey Warden, a member of the same group that had ended his father, serving under his father's executioner no less. It was enough to drive a man to drink.

Of course, with Oghren around there was always somebody to drink with. It had been a particularly difficult day dealing with darkspawn, and when the suggestion had been made to tap open a barrel all the party had agreed. Velanna had had one sip and then fled the compound, to the campsite she had set up outside the castle walls. Justice didn't touch a drop of course, and after a while he and Anders had walked off discussing some obscure Fade-related topic. Even Lyna had only joined them for one drink and then cried off, citing all the work she needed to do as Arlessa, a seemingly never ending pile of correspondence and accounts that even the most strenuous delegating could not protect her from. So it had just been Nathaniel and Oghren, and somehow the topic of their illustrious leader had come up.

Nathaniel had tried being angry at her. She had killed his father, after all. But Oghren had the annoying habit of pointing out just how fair she was, saying she could even give Justice a run for his money when it came to being honourable.

"She left the love of her life for the good of Ferelden, the stupid nug-crusher," he belched. "So honourable it makes you sick!"

"So it's true then, she was the King's mistress?" Nathaniel didn't bother to keep the sneer from his voice. Oghren looked up, his eyes fiery.

"He weren't no king then, just a bumbling boy." He belched. "He's a good king now because she taught him to be. She's a bleeding paragon." Then he snorted. "The good kind, not like that battle-axe I married." But before Oghren could start moaning about Branka again, Nathaniel told him it was time to sleep, and he stood up, leaving the dwarf with his drink, and making his own way back to his quarters.

He told himself he hadn't been heading in that direction but he found himself walking past Lyna's study. There was a light visible under the door and he considered stopping by to speak to his commander. He didn't know what about, but he felt he should say something.

But then the door opened, and Anders was there, laughing as it appeared he was being pushed out of the room.

"Come on Commander, just one more kiss for luck!" he was grinning. Nathaniel slipped into the shadows, and he couldn't hear Lyna's response, but he saw Anders lean back into the room and there was a shriek of laughter, before Anders sauntered out of the room and down the hall. Nathaniel stood there for a moment in the darkness, his blood boiling. The door closed and Anders was on his way back to his room before Nathaniel moved. He didn't see which way the mage went, but he assumed he was headed to his bed.

"Spying on a woman is pathetic Howe," Anders' voice loomed out at him from the darkness. Nathaniel had a knife at the mage's throat before he could even think of what he was doing.

"Sleeping with your commanding officer is just as pathetic." Nathaniel hissed and Anders snorted with laughter.

"Jealous are we?" he teased, and stepped away from Nathaniel's blade. Then, whistling to himself, he headed off down to his quarters, leaving Nathaniel glaring after him. He wasn't jealous. That was preposterous.

Finally Nathanial made his way to his own room, not sure why he was angry, but feeling annoyed all the same. Surely it was because the Commander had been dallying with a subordinate. That was just unprofessional.

His dreams, however, had him frustrated for another reason, and when he woke up and remembered all the passionate embraces he'd experienced when asleep, with the Commander of all things, it made him blush like a child.

Over time, Nathaniel came to realise that even if Lyna's personal life left a lot to be desired, she truly was the Hero of Ferelden. She was fair, and balanced, and never expected anybody to do something if she was not willing to do it herself. She was always at the front line, treated everybody with dignity, and refused to be drawn in to arguments or let herself be insulted by people who refused to accept an elf as Arlessa. Nathaniel didn't notice her spending more time than was proper with Anders, and whenever he thought that the mage might be getting special treatment she soon made it clear that every one of her Wardens were equal. It was so impressive that Nathaniel even managed to bring it up in conversation one night when the pair of them were alone.

They were on a campaign, and Nathaniel was meant to be on watch. Lyna had come to join him, saying that she had been unable to sleep and thought that two pairs of eyes might be better than one. But it was a quiet night, and while they kept their guard up, it was clear that they were unlikely to be disturbed.

"I'm surprised you're not with Anders," Nathaniel finally said, making a show of watching the distance. Lyna gave a surprised laugh.

"Why would I be with Anders?" she asked, watching her companion. Nathaniel glanced back at her and he gave her a knowing smile.

"It's alright, I know." he said gently. "And while I don't approve, you have been discreet, and that's to be admired. What you do, and with who, is your concern." Then, feeling that he had handled that quite well, he turned away to survey the surroundings again.

"That son of a bitch! Lyna muttered and Nathaniel looked back in surprise.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, concerned. Lyna's eyes were flashing.

"What has that idiot been saying?" She spluttered. "What fool lies has he been telling?"

Nathanial was confused.

"Anders? He hasn't said anything. I just... well I saw you, that's all."

No, he was NOT feeling hopeful. That was a ridiculous emotion. He was just confused.

"Saw us? When?" Lyna's voice was starting to rise, and Nathaniel glanced back to the sleeping bodies not far from them, worried that they might wake. Understanding his concern, Lyna managed to lower her voice as she asked again. "What do you think you've seen Nate?"

"Nate?" Nathaniel gave a surprised smile. "Samuel, our groundskeeper, was the only one I ever let get away with calling me that past childhood."

Lyna gave a small smile.

"Do you mind?" She asked softly, looking at him. Nathaniel shook his head, a small smile starting to spread across his face. They just sat there for a moment, smiling at each other, and time almost seemed to freeze.

Then Oghren let out a loud belch in his sleep and the spell was broken, the pair of them looking away.

Lyna started to giggle then, and Nathaniel glared at her, wondering if she was laughing at him. She seemed to understand his fears and she shook her head.

"Oghren's always good at ruining the mood isn't he!" She explained and Nathaniel just shrugged and gave another small smile. He resisted the urge to ask what mood was being ruined.

"I'm not with Anders," Lyna finally said. "I don't know what you think you saw, or what you were told, but we're not together. He flirts with me, and tries to steal kisses, but only when he thinks I need cheering up. It's a game, one that I think he might have to stop playing." She was watching Nathaniel closely. "If I'd realised ..." but she didn't finish her sentence, because the howl of a wolf nearby caught both their attention and they both faced towards the sound, waiting to see what noise would follow. Would it be a lone wolf or a pack? Would it pass them by or would they have a fight on their hands. The previous topic of conversation was dropped.

The others noticed, over the days that followed, that Nathaniel was smiling more. When Justice finally mentioned it, Nathaniel was surprised. He hadn't realised.

"I suppose I'm finally feeling like I'm a part of something again." he finally admitted. "It's a good feeling, to belong. Don't you think so Justice?"

Justice, however, just gave one of his usual enigmatic responses and left Nathaniel to his thoughts. And Nathaniel was surprised to realise that lately those thoughts were positive. He was doing some good in the world, and it was a very good feeling.


	3. Chapter 3

The Mother was horrific. Nathaniel had never really thought about how the darkspawn were created. In a way he supposed they just appeared - the stuff of nightmares. To think that they were the result of the horrific treatment of women was enough to give a man nightmares for the rest of his life. As if the nightmares of the Grey Wardens weren't bad enough. Nathaniel wondered how Lyna ever managed to sleep.

"They were worse in the Blight." Lyna said simply when they were sitting in the Keep one evening. She had been working in her study, the door open, and Nathaniel had been walking past, unable to sleep. She had seen him through the open door and called him into the room, saying she could do with a break from her work. So he found himself sitting in her study, and drinking Antivan Brandy.

"So how did you manage to cope?" he asked her, and she smiled a bit.

"I didn't sleep." She admitted, and there was a cheeky smile on her face that made Nathaniel blush.

"Do I want to know?" he asked, sipping on the brandy, and trying to keep his voice calm. Lyna just smiled again, oh so enigmatically, and sipped her drink. Then she drew a breath and sighed.

"I kept watch, I talked to the people I was travelling with, and sometimes I… well it wasn't like I was with Alastair all the time." She glanced at Nathaniel. "You knew about that right?"

Nathaniel nodded curtly.

"According to Oghren, you are the one that taught Alistair to become the great king he apparently is."

"Oh really?" Lyna looked up with surprise. "And why do I get the feeling you've heard other opinions about it all as well?

Nathaniel nodded again.

"Well, others were, um, not quite so positive. But you have to remember that the stories are from people that don't like elves, or the king, or anybody else in general."

Lyna chuckled softly at Nathaniel's attempts to be diplomatic.

"I'm sure that I've heard similar." She said. "And really, I don't mind. I've faced worse than gossiping nobles."

Nathaniel stayed silent for a while, just sipping his brandy.

"You want to know why I was with him, don't you?" Lyna asked eventually, and Nathaniel looked up in shock.

"How did you…?" he spluttered, and Lyna just smiled.

"Did you know him, when you were younger?" she asked him. "Or Cailan?"

Nathaniel shrugged.

"I didn't know Alistair." He admitted. "I met Cailan a couple of times when I was younger, but I didn't have that much to do with him. He was more interested in the armoury whenever he came to the Keep, and he was younger than me anyway. I didn't know Alistair was even Marric's son until I got back to Ferelden. I've not even met him, to be honest." He wanted to change the topic, but there was a look on Lyna's face, and he had a feeling that he needed to ask her a question. "Tell me about him?"

She smiled, and he felt rewarded for the look on her face.

"He's a dork." She admitted. "So clumsy and awkward." She was clearly remembering happier times, but Nathaniel wasn't sure what was so appealing about foolishness.

"Do you really think he's a good king?" he asked, still trying to keep his voice calm.

"Oh yes," Lyna insisted. Then she smiled. "But you don't believe me do you?"

Nathaniel felt a bit guilty.

"I don't know him." He apologised. Lyna chuckled.

"Oh Nate, don't worry." She reached over and put her hand on his. Then she watched him for a moment, as he watched her hand.

"I never liked anybody other than Samuel calling me that." He said softly. Lyna pulled her hand back, as if burned.

"I'm sorry," she said, and went to pour some more brandy.

"Oh no!" Nathanial felt horrible now. "No I don't mind if you…" he looked down. "I like it." He said, and Lyna let a smile spread slowly over her face.

"Good," she said softly. "Do you want more Brandy?"

"Are you trying to get me drunk Commander?" Nathaniel laughed, and then his eyes went wide as he realised what he'd said.

"To what end?" Lyna asked. "Do I need to get you drunk to have my wicked way with you?"

Nathaniel stared in shock.

"Your wicked way?" he asked her. "I… I mean…"

Lyna chuckled, and patted Nathaniel's hand again, before pulling back to drink her drink.

"I don't want to do anything with a drunk." She said, and frowned, not sure if she was making things better or worse.

"I'll break the bad news to Oghren then," Nathaniel said dryly, and Lyna stared at him, and then she burst out laughing.

Nathaniel's glass was empty, and he decided he should go.

"It's late," he said finally. "I should let you go to sleep." He stood up, but found he didn't want to leave.

Did she look wistful? That was foolish? Surely she didn't.

"We should do this again sometimes," she said, and Nathaniel nodded.

"I'd like that." He told her, watching her. Then he drew a breath and nodded. "Sleep well Commander."

"Sleep well, Nate," Lyna smiled.


	4. Chapter 4

_AN: Short chapter tonight, but next one is longer. Thanks for reading. It's awesome that people seem to be interested in my little story!_

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Lyna sat back and watched Nathaniel leave the room. She was glad she had decided to leave her door open. It had been a risk. It could have just as easily been Anders that had come to join her, and that may well have ended in disaster. The mage was charming, but he was becoming a bit more persistent, and Lyna wasn't really interested. But Nathaniel was so damned hard to read, and if the news coming out of Denerim was correct and there was a Queen on the cards...

But it hadn't been Anders, it had been Nathaniel. Nate. And maybe that was more dangerous.

Anders would have been a distraction. Some fun, with no strings attached. He had made it clear that he was not looking for a relationship, just a way to 'pass the time' with a woman he admired. There were times when Lyna was sorely tempted. She was happy to be own her own, Creator knows there was enough to keep her occupied. But she still had nightmares, and these days it was the ones about the darkspawn that were more welcome.

Dreams of Alistair with somebody else, they were the ones that made her wake up in a cold sweat.

"Damned shemlen!" She muttered as she pulled herself to her feet. She felt a little unsteady as she tried to rise. Just how much of that brandy had she had? She glanced at the bottle and shook her head in surprise. If Nate had stayed much longer he wouldn't have needed to worry about her taking advantage of him. The only person being taken anywhere would have been her back to her room, in a drunken stupor. It was good he had left when he had.

But she couldn't help wishing that he hadn't been quite so noble. Dammit! Why did she always go for the honourable ones? Maybe Anders would be a better choice after all.


	5. Chapter 5

After the events with the Architect, Lyna wasn't quite sure what she was going to do with her time. She would go eventually, but she wanted to leave her arling in a safe position first. Her arling! That made her laugh. Her, a Dalish elf, a 'Filthy Knife Ear' in charge of the Arling of Amaranthine? It wasn't the life she had expected, even after her joining. ESPECIALLY after her Joining. But she stayed, and not in a small part because she knew how much it annoyed some of the human nobles. Eventually she would make sure she gave the land over to a Howe. It would be nice to see Nathaniel instated, but she knew that he wouldn't accept it. Too afraid that he would take after his father, although Lyna knew that would never happen. But maybe it could go to Delilah. That would please the people. And more importantly, it would please Nate.

She always smiled when she thought of her 'secret' name for Nathaniel Howe. Most evenings now he came past her study and they sat and talked, or just enjoyed each other's company. She heard his stories of life in the Free Marches, and she told him about growing up with her clan. They talked about the Blight, and she opened up about her love for Alistair. She always told herself that she wasn't going to do that, she wasn't going to mention the king. But he always asked, and she found it helped to talk about it. It helped her mourn, in a way.

"Do you think he wants to be king?" he asked once, a few weeks after the Architect had made his agreement and the Darkspawn had gone. Lyna chuckled and shook her head. Then she frowned.

"He didn't want to be." She said. "I had to push him. But I don't know now. I think he probably enjoys it."

"Why did you push him?" Nathaniel asked. He was always so gentle with his questions, and when they were difficult ones he would pour her a bit more brandy, as if to distract her. She smiled.

"He's a good man. And Ferelden needs a good man on the throne. People complain about Cailan, but I think he could have done well. But he was so charming, so handsome. There was something about him, and he just knew it. I only met him briefly but I could tell. He knew what to say and to who, well to everybody but Loghain. He knew how to play the game. That's what I've heard. Good intentions but ..." she sighed, confusing herself, and she picked up her glass.

She held it to her lips, but didn't drink. She just enjoyed the smell.

"Did I ever tell you about Zevran?" She asked, smiling, her eyes closed.

"The Antivan Crow?" Nathaniel asked, not sure if he had the right person. Lyna nodded and opened her eyes.

"Loghain hired him to kill me. Well, me and Alistair. He didn't, obviously. He tried, but failed, and switched sides. Started travelling with us."

Nathaniel spluttered in shock.

"You had a paid assassin travelling with you? Were you mad?"

Lyna raised an eyebrow, and Nathaniel added a hurried "Commander!" his cheeks flushed. Lyna grinned.

"He owed me a blood debt," She explained, staring at Nathaniel across the top of her glass. "And it was safer to have him where I could see him."

"But he could have killed you in your sleep!" Nathaniel was still spluttering, and Lyna shrugged.

"He would have needed to get past Alistair and Talem." She said simply. "More Brandy?"

At the sound of his name, Lyna's Mabari lifted his head and gave a small bark. Lyna laughed.

"No Talem, no brandy for you. Not after the last time!"

Nathaniel's eyes widened but he said nothing. Instead he accepted the top up and then sipped his drink.

"So I suppose you needed a big tent then," he said, and flushed at the stupidity of his words. Lyna stared at him and then chuckled.

"Well I suppose so." She admitted. "Alistair is a very big man, and Talem... well you can see!" Talem gave a proud bark but Nate was busy staring in horror at what he had just been told about his king. Lyna burst out laughing. "He's over six feet tall Nate, he's a warrior. Solid. That's what I'm talking about." She kept chuckling, and Nate was bright red with embarrassment.

"Yes well," he said, and pushed himself to his feet. "It's getting late, perhaps I should let you get some rest."

Immediately Lyna felt bad about the teasing, and she stood up as well. She stepped towards him, just inside his personal space.

"Don't go, please Nate," she was almost pleading. Nathaniel looked down at her and drew a ragged breath. He could hear his heart beating in his ears.

"Commander I…" he looked down at her, his fingers suddenly itching to hold her.

"Stay," she said again, her voice soft and a hand against his chest. She'd never moved this close to him before, not in anything but the heat of battle. She was so nervous now, she felt like she was approaching a wild animal, trying to calm it. He was so skittish.

He moved a little closer to her, and she thought that finally he might take the hint, but then a door slammed somewhere in the Keep and he jumped away, as if burned.

"Good evening Commander." he said curtly, and all but ran from the room. Lyna howled with frustration as he fled, and she hurled her glass at the fireplace. It smashed rather satisfactorily and she was tempted to look for another to throw, when she heard a slow round of applause. Spinning around she smiled, ready to thank Nathaniel for returning. But it wasn't him standing there, it was Anders.

"Really Commander," the mage said, walking into the room. "How long are you going to wait for that virginal fool? At this rate you'll never get your... release." Anders drew closer to her, and Lyna glared at him, drawing herself up to her full height that was still, woefully, short of his.

"I don't know what business of yours this is." she said, cursing herself for the stuffiness of her response. Anders just smirked and caught her hands in his.

"My Commander is tense. My Commander needs to relax. As my Commander's healer, I should be helping my Commander calm down."

Lyna stared up into Ander's eyes. By the Dread Wolf but he was a sexy man. Not the man she wanted, but there was something so cheeky, so erotic about him. Like the best parts of Alistair and Zevran rolled into one.

"And what does my healer suggest?" she asked, her voice breathless. Anders didn't reply. He just smirked, and pulled her close, crushing his mouth to hers.

All too soon she was on her desk, the mage leaning over her, guiding her legs around his waist as they swept papers away, their lips barely parting.


	6. Chapter 6

_AN: First of all - thanks for reading. It's fun to know that people are looking at this. Please let me know if you have thoughts/comments etc. _

_Secondly, I am sorry I'm inconsistent with updating it. I might try to make it a regular update, every Sunday night. I've got so many chapters written already, but if I take it a week at a time then maybe I'll be spared having to rush things. If that makes sense. _

_Anyway, enjoy. This chapter introduces my new BroTP and I hope you love it as much as I do._

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When Nathaniel returned, wanting to apologise for running away, he almost walked in before he realised what the sounds were that he was hearing. He couldn't help but sneak a look, and what he saw made him angrier than he had thought possible. Lyna's shirt open, Anders' head at her chest, and her legs around his waist, her eyes glazed in ecstasy. He swore, loudly enough for her to hear him, and stormed out of the room. So he didn't see her focus on him, realise what had happened, and push Anders away. All he knew was pain and fury as he stormed through the Keep, moving through the shadows, his blood boiling.

"NATHANIEL HOWE WILL YOU STOP!"

He finally heard her screams, and he froze. He couldn't look at her though. He wouldn't turn around, so she had to run in front of him, and he flinched when he realised her top was still half undone. She'd been in such a rush she'd barely had time to finish dressing.

"Don't worry, Commander," he filled the word with as much venom as he could muster. "Your secret is safe with me. Go run back to your little pet." and he turned to walk away.

"Nathaniel!" She cried, so angry with herself. He just kept walking. "NATE!"

"Don't you EVER use that name again!" He turned and strode back. He loomed over her, his face like thunder. "I would have kept your secret, you know. You didn't have to lie to me! But go on, go back to that fool of a mage. I'll be leaving in the morning." And then he really did walk away, and nothing Lyna could say would make him stop.

When Lyna finally made her way back to her study, Anders was still there, lounging in the chair that had so recently held Nathaniel. He smirked when she came in, and stood up to take him in her arms.

"Get away from me you nug licker!" she growled, and he stepped back, chuckling.

"Aww, what did the broody one say?" he asked, leaning against the desk, pouting when he saw Lyna fasten her shirt again.

"You are going to go and explain to him." She told him. "you are going to march your bony little arse up to his room and tell him what you did! And you are going to make him stay!"

"Tell him what I did?" Anders stood up straight. "And what exactly did you want me to say? That I was man enough to do what he only dreamed about? That I was willing to take a chance, while he was too scared to make a move? Don't forget, Commander, you kissed me back. You weren't exactly fighting me off. And before your little pet came in, you were enjoying yourself. Don't try to tell me that you weren't." He was standing close to her again, and his lips were so close to hers. But this time she wasn't going to be tempted. She pushed him away.

"Go and tell him." She insisted. "Go tell him that he can't leave." Lyna was begging, and Anders faltered for a moment.

"By the Maker," he stepped back. "You ... you're in love with him aren't you?"

"Don't be ridiculous." Lyna turned her face away and went to pick up her glass. But of course now it was smashed against the wall. "He's a good archer, we need him." She considered trying to pick up the pieces of the glass but wasn't quite sure where to start.

"Lyna, be honest with me." Anders put his hand on her shoulder and turned her to him.

"I remind you that you are to address me by my proper title, Warden!" She said as coldly as she could manage, but Anders just scoffed at her.

"Lyna I just had my mouth around your nipple, don't go trying to pull rank on me now."

"Well you won't have your mouth anywhere near me ever again, if you don't do as I command!" She muttered and he chuckled in surprise. He stepped back.

"Ok," he said. "So let me get this straight. If I go and tell Howe that you love him, you'll let me make love to you? Odd request but fair."

"What?" Lyna shrieked. "What are you talking about? Where did you get that fool notion? No, you're to go and tell Nate that he's not allowed to leave."

"Oh, Nate is it?" Anders quirked an eyebrow and smirked at his commanding officer.

"You can't call him that!" Lyna squealed, and Anders was surprised at the way she was behaving. She actually looked scared. He had seen this woman face off darkspawn and other horrors, and yet she was scared of what? Upsetting Nathaniel Howe? Well this _was_ interesting.

He watched Lyna for a beat and then he nodded.

"I'll do it." He said. "But don't hold your breath. He's a stubborn fool." Then he walked out of the room. Lyna stared after him. He was actually going? What was he going to say? She ran to the door and pulled it open.

"Don't make it worse!" She called to him, and he actually looked hurt at her suggestion.

"Haven't you realised yet Commander? Deep down I'm a romantic." And with a cheeky grin that had Lyna terrified, he headed off towards Nathaniel's room.

Lyna squealed and ran back to her study, glad that none of her staff were around. She paced around the room for a while and then finally decided to try picking up the glass she had shattered. She had to do something or she'd go mad.

Nathaniel was cursing as he stuffed his clothes into his pack. What did he think was going to happen? There was never going to be anything between him and the Commander. She wasn't interested in him; she was in love with the blasted king.

"Fool mage did me a favour." He muttered, and almost jumped when he heard Anders respond.

"I did? How exactly? Warming her up for you perhaps?"

Nathaniel's knife was at Anders' throat, just as Anders cast a spell to freeze Nathaniel's arm.

"Will you STOP doing that!" the mage whined. "Seriously! You're the one that said I was doing you a favour, and here I was trying to help." He dispersed the magic and Nathaniel dropped his arm, stuffing his knife back up his sleeve.

"And how, pray tell, were you helping?" he asked as he resumed packing, with rather more force that was necessary. "Are you here to break it to me that she's not interested in me? I know that Anders. I don't need you flaunting it in my face."

Anders leaned against the doorpost, his arms folded, as he watched.

"What did those shirts ever do to you Nathaniel?" he asked, barely hiding the smirk. Nathaniel glared at him in confusion and then groaned as he realised he'd have to repack everything. He started pulling things out and refolded them. Anders just chuckled. Then he decided to explain.

"She sent me after you," he pointed out. "Begged me to make you stay."

Nathaniel's head shot up and he stared at the mage, waiting for the trick.

"Why?" he grunted. "She certainly didn't look like she wanted me to stay." Then he glowered at the mage, the unwelcome image of the events in her study coming straight back to his mind. Back to packing.

Anders groaned.

"Are all nobles dense?" he muttered as he walked over to Nathaniel and started pulling the things out of his bag, to pack them in his closet again. "She likes you. She ..." he paused, considering. "Really likes you." he went with that. Safer. "And I swear she begged me to make you come back."

Nathaniel snorted.

"Maybe it's a Dalish thing, but when I like somebody I don't usually wrap myself around the nearest tramp and stick my tongue down their throat."

"Oh Howe, you wound me!" Anders' put his hand to his throat in mock pain. Then he shrugged and kept putting things away. It was driving Nathaniel mad and that made it all the more fun.

Finally though Anders decided to play nice, for fear of what the Commander might do to him. So he flopped down in a chair and watched the other man for a while.

"Lyna's had it tough." he said softly. Nathaniel growled.

"I know." he muttered. "Lost her first love to the taint, lost the love of her life to the throne, blah blah blah."

Anders raised an eyebrow.

"She tells you all that stuff?" He asked, genuinely surprised. Anders had worked out bits and pieces, but mostly from speaking to Oghren and watching the Commander himself. Nathaniel rolled his eyes but said nothing. Never had a man appeared so focused on folding! "Well anyway," Anders went on. "She's had a rough time, and you, amazingly enough, make her happy. Me, I try. But she and I both know it's nothing serious. It's just a game. A release. And she needs one. She's a woman with needs Nathaniel, and frankly you're not meeting those needs. I just saw an opportunity!"

"She didn't give me a sign she even wanted me to meet her needs!" Nathaniel moaned, and then glared at the mage again. "And just how often are YOU meeting these needs?" Then, before Anders could answer, he added "And I'm not interested in something purely physical. If that's what she wants then fine, she can stay with you. But I thought she was more than that." He stopped, a shirt clutched in his hands.

Anders was so sorely tempted to lie. The idea of falling in love was ridiculous. Love was all too easily used as a weapon. But as he had told Lyna, he was a romantic at heart. Just, he didn't want that romance for himself.

"Look Howe, I know that you and she have those cosy little chats. To be honest I thought you were sleeping with her already. But tonight, well I don't know what happened but..."

"We were talking and she was explaining about how she kept safe from an assassin in her party by having Alistair in her bed every night, and Talem in her tent as well." He snorted, and frowned as he realised just how often they spoke about her former love. "She's in love with the king Anders, and even though I've never met the man I'm sure he's not so stupid as to not realise that Lyna is worth changing the world for. He'll come to his senses and take her back, and she'll forget all about me unless..." he looked up. "Do the Grey Wardens ever have reunions or aren't we meant to live that long?"

Anders stared and then he burst out laughing.

"Howe, did you just make a joke?"

Nathaniel just gave a small smirk and shrugged, and then went back to his packing. Anders growled.

"Oh Andraste's flaming knickers will you stop bloody packing!" he cried, and pulled the pack away from Nathaniel. Nathaniel growled, and pulled back at the pack. It turned into a tug of war, and didn't end until the strap broke.

"You're buying me a new pack!" Nathaniel growled, and threw the pack to the ground. Anders couldn't help it though, he burst out laughing. Nathaniel glared at him, and then started to laugh as well, and soon they were collapsed on the floor.


	7. Chapter 7

Lyna was getting mad with frustration. She needed to know what was going on. Besides, she needed to get somebody to bandage her hand. She'd cut herself when she was trying to pick up the glass fragments. So she crept down the corridors towards Nathaniel's room and stopped outside the door. She hadn't been sure what to expect, but laughter? What on earth was there to laugh about?

"What's going on?" she burst into the room, and the two men looked up from where they were on the floor. Nathanial and Anders stared, and then burst out laughing again. Lyna frowned, and then crossed her arms and glowered at them.

"Lyna, you're bleeding." Nathaniel shot up. "What did you do?" Anders was already starting to summon healing magic.

"Nothing," Lyna pouted, and turned her back to the men. Nathaniel rolled his eyes at Anders, and they reached for her. Nathaniel held her hand, gently, and Anders held his hand over her hand, letting it heal. Lyna was still pouting, but her hand was healed. "What were you laughing at?" she demanded again, and Anders sighed.

"I'm going to leave you two to sort this one out yourself." He said, and walked out of the room. Lyna went to leave the room, but then there was the sound of a bolt being pulled.

"Is there a lock on your door?" she asked Nathaniel. Nathaniel shook his head.

"Mage! Remember?" Anders called out, and then there was laughter and footsteps. Nathaniel frowned and then looked towards Lyna without actually looking her in the eye. Lyna was the same, pacing the room, and straightening things.

"What happened to your pack?" she finally said.

"Anders broke it." Nathaniel replied, his voice calm. Lyna glanced up at him.

"Why?" she asked softly. Nathaniel shrugged.

"Apparently I'm not allowed to leave." He said. "Not sure why. But anyway. He's going to get me a new pack." Then he sat down and watched Lyna pace the room. After she tried the door three times he finally got up. "Lyna, what's going on?" he said at last. "We're not getting out until we talk, apparently. So tell me why Anders wants me to stay?"

By the Maker he was so nervous. Lyna paced for a bit longer and then finally sat down on the bed.

"I'm sorry." She said softly. "I…"

Nathaniel growled.

"Lyna," he crossed over to her and pulled her to her feet. Gripping her by the shoulders, he stared down into her eyes. He opened his mouth to say something else, but then he was kissing her, and he wasn't quite sure who started kissing who first. He swept her up into his arms and carried her across to the desk in his room. He felt her legs wrap around his waist and he started to kiss her down her neck. After waiting so long for this, and dreaming so long about it, it was happening.

And then he pulled away. This was exactly what he had walked in on earlier. Lyna was sitting on his desk, breathless, and looking at him, confused.

"What?" she asked. "Why did you stop?"

"Do you even care who you are with Commander?" Nathaniel bit back venomously. "Because it wasn't that long ago that you were doing exactly this with Anders, and not much before that you were talking about how much you love the king. If you're not going to fight for Alistair you could at least make use of the brothel in town. It might be more honest."

Nathaniel's head shot around as he was slapped hard.

"You bastard!" she hissed at him. Then she ran to the door and started to bang on the wood. "Anders, get me out of here now! Anders! If you don't unlock this door right now I'll flay you alive."

Nathaniel rubbed his cheek as he watched her performance.

"I thought you were something special." He said softly. Lyna turned around and glared at him. She wanted to be angry at him, but the look on his face. He just looked so hurt.

"I'm so sorry." She said again.

"Tell me what's happening?" Nathaniel asked. "Because I am at a loss." He sat down on the bed, and finally she sat beside him.

"I like you. A lot**.** Do you know how terrifying that is?"

Nathaniel frowned.

"Well, thanks a lot." He scowled.

"Oh no! That's not what I meant!" Lyna cried and then sighed deeply. "By the Dread Wolf but this is difficult." She drew a deep breath and then leaned back to look at him. "Ok, so let's see. Tamlen was my first love. He died. Badly. I had to kill him. That was … difficult. Then I met Alistair, and we had a Blight and I fell in love with him and he became the king and dumped me, and that was also difficult." Nathaniel sighed.

"I know this Lyna. You've told me. A lot." He couldn't help but sound bitter, although the hurtful look on her face made him feel so guilty. He went on more gently, but it still had to be said. "Lyna, I adore you. I really do. I mean, you are incredible. Beautiful. Feisty. Smart. But you're in love with another man. My king. And yes he's an idiot for letting you go. But I am not going to be a physical substitute to whatever it is that you need. Let Anders do that. He's the one that said that you have a need he's filling. So please Lyna, for the love of Andraste please let me be."

He felt so incredibly guilty, but there was a part of him that was glad of the fact that he'd said it out loud.

Lyna sat there, staring at the man in front of her.

"Have I said I'm sorry?" she said finally, feeling a bit stupid. Then she stood up. "What I was trying to say was, I have messed up." She started to pace. "I have been in love. Twice. The stories tell you that you fall in love and that's it. Either you marry your childhood sweetheart or you realise that your childhood sweetheart wasn't really all that important to you and you marry the one great love of your life."

Nathaniel was getting annoyed again. Why the hell did she keep talking about these men? Lyna glanced at him and gritted her teeth before she went on.

"Tamlen and I would have been very happy. If we'd never gone into that cave then we would have married and stayed with the clan and I would have been a very different woman. To say what I had with Tamlen was just a childish fantasy is an insult."

"I never said…" Nathaniel objected, but Lyna put up a hand to halt him.

"I know." she said softly. "Please Nate," and then she remembered she wasn't to use that name any more. "Nathaniel". Saying it almost hurt. "Please let me finish." Nathaniel frowned but he let her go on. "So the Blight happened, I met Alistair, and I fell in love again. The sort of love that could inspire ballads." She smiled wistfully and Nathaniel wanted to throw up. "We faced all sorts of dangers, and survived so much tragedy. And then, because he's so achingly noble, he finally stood up for himself and he broke up with me." she frowned. "I told him that I understood. The king needs an heir. The Fereldens don't want a Dalish Queen. But we fought an Archdemon. He wasn't willing to fight a kingdom for me?" Her voice was rising, and she had to stop, and take a deep breath, to calm herself down. She started pacing again.

Nathaniel just watched her, wondering why she was telling him any of this. Was she trying to hurt him or was she really that dense? Did she not realise how every single word was a dagger under his nails? She began again.

"I love you." she stopped and looked at Nathaniel. His head shot up and he stared at her.

"Pardon me?"

She gave a small smile.

"I love you. I've never admitted that to myself, but I do. I don't love you because you're here. I don't love you because you remind me of Tamlen or Alistair, I don't love you because you're handsome. I mean, you ARE handsome, and your voice…" she trailed off for a moment and actually shivered. Then she shook her head and took Nathaniel's hands. "I don't have a history with you. Everything is new, and I want to discover it. I love hearing about your past, your life, the way you see the world. You don't give much away and I love uncovering every little gem of information about you. You can look after yourself. You can make your own decisions. You look to me for leadership because I'm your Commander, not because you don't want to make a choice on your own. You're not my childhood sweetheart. You're not some character from a ballad. You are real Nathaniel Howe. You're real and alive and gritty and flawed and exactly what I want, and what I need. And I am begging you to stay here, and stay with me. I'm begging you to love me too."

She felt like she had cut open her chest and laid bare her heart. She stared up at Nathaniel, hopeful and terrified. She could barely breath, but he had to love her to. He just HAD to.

Nathaniel squeezed his eyes closed. There was so much of what she was saying that he wanted to hear, but there was more that she said that he hated.

"So why were you with Anders?" he finally asked, unable to shake the horrific sense of betrayal that he had felt.

"What?" She starred, she'dforgotten all about that. Then she pulled her hands away and turned from him.

"Tell me Lyna. You say you love me, but what I saw…"

Lyna felt like she'd cry. She'd faced down horrors untold, but the sound of tears in Nathaniel's voice was agony.

"He was there." She finally said. "He told me I was a fool for waiting for you and he was there." she looked up, not sure what she would see, but scared at the fury in his eyes.

"And if I were to be with you, like you ask," his voice was cold. "Would I need to stay by your side all day and all night?"

She smiled at that idea, thinking it sounded lovely. But he was not teasing, or making promises.

"Would I go away, only to find that Anders, or somebody else was there? Would you get tired of waiting if I was away for a week? A day? An hour? BecauseLyna, I'd been gone from the room ten minutes and you had your shirt open for that bastard."

Lyna actually pulled back, chilled by the way he spoke to her.

"I…"

"I love you Lyna." Nathaniel said. "and I hate it. Because night after night I sit with you and night after night you tell me of these two great loves you have had. I'm not a fool Lyna. I know the talk coming out of Denerim. I know that a queen is likely. I know that you are hurting because Alistair might have found somebody else. I know you are still mourning Tamlen. I know that you want somebody in your life. But I don't know if I can be that man, because I don't know if I can handle the pain."

Lyna opened her mouth to say something but this time Nathaniel held up a hand to silence her.

"I ache for you Lyna. Every night I'm in agony because I want nothing more than to be with you. It is a real, physical ache. To know that you are just down the hall, that I could just walk to you…"

"Then why did you never?" she interrupted.

"Because I didn't know what I would find!" Nathaniel bit back. "I still don't know. Lyna, I can't trust you. I love you. I want you. I would die for you. But I cannot be with you because I cannot trust you. I'm sorry. I truly am."

"It was one mistake!" Lyna cried and Nathaniel glared at her.

"It isn't just Anders!" He yelled. "Every night, when you say you are happy to learn more and more about me, do you know what I am doing?"

She stared at him, wide eyed, and looking so tiny as she shook her head.

"I'm hearing about how you have two ghosts in your life. Two men that put you up on a pedestal and two men with whom I could never hope to compete."

"Well I'm hardly on a pedestal now!" Lyna sulked, and Nathaniel sighed heavily.

"Lyna anybody that meets you adores you. Look at all you have achieved. Those armies didn't fight for you because you had those treaties. They fought because YOU were the one that asked them. You were the one that made them see it was a cause worth fighting for. You inspire people Lyna. And I love that about you. I truly do."

She smiled as he stepped closer and his voice grew softer. But then he frowned again and turned away.

"But I think you're so used to being worshipped that you don't realise you hurt people. You hurt me. I don't want to hear about these men you have loved. I know it's part of your life, I know it's important. But I can't compete and I shouldn't be made to feel like I should. I can't compete with Anders. I can't compete with the King. I can't compete with a ghost of an elf, or an assassin from Antiva, or any of the other men in your life. You say you love me, but I think…" he faltered and then drew a breath, trying to summon his courage to finish this sentence. "I think what you really love is the fact that I love you. I'm not sure you're even capable of being in love any more. I'm sorry Lyna. I truly am."

Lyna stared, and then she slapped him hard across the face again. Nathaniel just stood there, unmoving, as she screamed at him, a wordless cry of fury. Then he called out to the mage he knew wasn't really far away.

"Anders. I think the Commander needs her sleep now. Please unlock the door."

Before long there was a sound of a bolt sliding back, and they were free. Lyna was furious, and she stormed out.

"I won't forget this Howe!" She cried, and pushed past Anders, screeching at nothing, before slamming the door to her own room.

"Well that seemed to go well." Anders said dryly, as Nathaniel collapsed onto his bed, his face in his hands. Anders gave the man a sympathetic smile. "Here, let me take some of the pain away at least," and he stepped towards him. Nathaniel's head shot up and his eyes went wide.

"Um, Anders, I'm not…" but Anders just laughed.

"Healing magic you idiot. You're not my type!" And he raised his hands to cast the spell. "Although I must admit you DO do the brooding thing quite well."

Nathaniel, his cheeks red from more than just the slap, rolled his eyes.

"One day, Mage, you'll make somebody a very lovely… something." he frowned, and Anders just laughed at him.

"Let's get drunk." he suggested, and Nathaniel shook his head.

"Maybe tomorrow night." he promised. "Right now I need to sleep. I feel like I just fought the archdemon myself."

Anders nodded, and walked out of the room.

"She's a fool," he said softly as he stopped at the door. "Who would have thought the Hero of Ferelden would be so clueless when it came to this sort of thing?"

"Don't tell the balladeers!" Nathaniel muttered. Then he flopped back on his bed. "Bloody Andraste's bloody beard. I just turned down the Hero! Forget romantic ballads, I'll be the laughing stock of Ferelden."

Anders chuckled softly.

"Well at least this way they will forget about your father." he teased. Then he had to duck as Nathaniel hurled a pillow at his head. "Well it makes a change from a dagger!" he grinned. "Does this mean you and I are friends?"

"Get out of here Anders." Nathaniel tried to sound severe, but he was grinning, and even when Anders tossed the pillow back at him, he just laughed. "you throw like a baby!" he said as he reached over to pick up the pillow, and Anders actually poked out his tongue before pulling the door closed. "Don't lock it this time!" Nathaniel yelled, and Anders just laughed and headed off down the hall.


	8. Chapter 8

Lyna had stormed to her room, yelling and crying out in indignation, and waking up some of the staff that huddled around, terrified of what was happening. There had been fears it was another darkspawn attack and it wasn't until Varel came to check on her that she managed to calm down. Ever the good seneschal, Varel sent the servants to their beds, and promised Lyna that she would not be disturbed. Then he left her in the company of her dog, and headed back to sleep himself.

But Lyna couldn't sleep. She dressed for bed, but lay on the covers, tossing and turning, thinking of every angry word she should have said to that jump start of a Howe. Finally, when even Talem had started to growl in frustration, she got out of bed and left her room. She had been tempted to go back to Nathaniel and give him a piece of her mind, but then she changed direction and knocked on Anders' door instead. When he pulled open the door it was obvious that Lyna had woken him. His hair was tussled, and his shirt was off, and for once he was wearing trousers.

"Commander?" he asked, squeezing his eyes closed and then opening them again. He'd just managed to fall asleep when her banging on the door woke him up again. One of these days he would learn not to help, it just didn't do him any good.

"We have some unfinished business Anders," Lyna said, pushing past him into his room. Anders groaned, and took a moment before he turned around.

"Commander I can't make Nathaniel change his mind." he said. Then he stopped in his tracks as he took in the sight before him. "Um, Lyna,"

"Yes Anders?"

"Why are you naked?"

She was lying on his bed, her gown on the floor, and a sultry smile on her lips.

"I told you. Unfinished business." She sat up slightly and held out her arms to him.

"Andraste's knicker-weasels!" Anders cried, and strode across the room, picking up her gown as he did so. "What are you doing woman?" He threw the clothes at her. "Get dressed and get out of here. Or was all you said to Howe a joke?"

"What are you doing?" Lyna stared, clutching the gown to her chest. "Are you rejecting me as well? I don't believe this!" And she got up off the bed, and pulled the gown over her head.

"Commander," Anders reached out and caught her arm as she went to push past him. "You know I want you. But you love Nathaniel. Do you really think that this is the right way to get him? Is this the right way to make him trust you?"

"Were you listening to our entire conversation?" Lyna cried, indignant.

"Well obviously!" Anders replied. "What did you expect?"

Lyna just huffed at him and moved past him.

"Lyna, he's a good man. You need to work on this. He's worth it." Then, almost unable to believe what he was saying, he just sighed. "Go to sleep Commander. It will be easier in the morning."

Lyna just stormed out, humiliated and annoyed and trying so very hard not to feel guilty.

But it wasn't easier the next morning. Nathaniel stayed in his room as long as he could manage, and Lyna was called away to deal with some problems in Amaranthine. She took Velanna with her, in an attempt to get her to deal more effectively with the townsfolk. Lyna was feeling particularly masochistic. By sundown they weren't back, and a messenger arrived at the keep, informing them that the Commander would be travelling down to Denerim and she called for Oghren and Sigrun to accompany her. That left Anders, Nathaniel and Justice alone together in the keep.

"Told you he'd come to his senses." Nathaniel muttered when the news was announced. Then he turned on his heel and left the room.

"Howe!" Anders called out to the man he was now considering a friend, but Nathaniel appeared not to hear.

"He is offended?" Justice asked. Anders snorted.

"He's broken hearted." He replied.

"Should you not heal him then?" Justice almost sounded concerned, and Anders stared for a moment. Then he laughed.

"It's not a literal break," he explained, and they started to walk together, heading outside, "Our good friend Nathaniel is in love with the Commander and she has returned to the side of her last love."

"Surely he does not think the Commander would care for him, he is a thief, and wanted to kill her."

Anders turned and glared at the spirit.

"Doesn't Justice allow for a change of heart?" He demanded. "What is the point of Justice if a person is never allowed to right their mistakes? Nathaniel has worked hard to redeem himself and frankly I believe he's too good for the Commander." Then, leaving a very confused Justice alone, Anders walked off as well, in search of his kitten and some solitude.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: I'm rubbish at updating this consistently. Sorry about that. I really have no excuse because I've got so much already done, but I keep forgetting to upload the chapters.

Anyway, thanks for the follows and what not. Please let me know what you're thinking?

* * *

Lyna wasn't quite sure why she agreed to go to Denerim, and to take the companions with her that she had chosen was ridiculous, but she couldn't be alone with Nathaniel, not when she knew she would see Alistair. And she didn't want to deal with Anders' disapproval. What happened to him being playful and fun loving?

Of course there was no way she could bring Justice, and not just because he'd be just as judgey as Anders. Bringing what was technically an Abomination to the king's palace would not be wise.

Still, it seemed a very very long journey.

The official reason for the journey was to make representations to the king. It was also to be a reunion of sorts. Oh, and there was the added part where Lyna was to receive some honour or other as the Hero of Ferelden. They were going to name a school after her or something ridiculous. She had not intended to go, but suddenly she felt it might be a good idea. And yet, the closer she drew to the city, the more she regretted her decision. He would be there. And if the rumours were true, so would his new love.

"Lyna, i'm glad you could join us."

Lyna was genuinely happy with the man that came to greet them.

"Teagan!" She hugged the older man, and let him lead her into the castle. The others were taken to their quarters and Lyna could already hear the protests that Velanna was making about the serving staff being elves. Apparently being told they were now paid a good wage was not good enough and Lyna was glad to be away from her.

"I am a bad person," she muttered quietly, but just smiled and shook her head when Teagan asked her what she had said.

And there he was. Lyna was struck, as she watched Alistair standing at a table, surrounded by advisors, just how much he looked like his dead brother, on one of the few times Lyna had met Callian, just before the battle of Ostagar, a whole different life ago. Teagan announced her, and he looked up. Lyna waited for that familiar skip in her heart when she looked into his eyes and was surprised to see it wasn't actually there any more. So she was smiling broadly when she looked at her former love, and he quickly dismissed his companions before he crossed around the table and took her in his arms. She barely had a moment to think before she was tight in his embrace,

"Your majesty" Lyna managed to mumbled, her face against Alistair's chest.

"By the Maker but I've missed you." Alistair said in return, and then he leaned back. "Let me look at you," he was smiling but then he frowned. "You look tired love, what's troubling you?" And he guided her to a chair near the fireplace. His study was comfortable, without being ostentatious. But that made sense. Alistair may be the king but he had never really had his own space, so he didn't have all that much to call his own. Still, she could tell that this was a place where he spent a lot of time.

Lyna took the seat she was shown and then looked at her host. He was pouring her wine and watching her, handing it over to her before he sat down opposite her,

"I was dreading seeing you again," she said softly, sipping her wine. Alistair gave her an understanding smile.

"Was the hug too much?" He asked, and she smiled, shaking her head.

"The hug was fine," she admitted. "Very friendly." Alistair nodded, a relieved smile on his face. Lyna watched him for a moment, holding the wine glass in both hands.

"Alistair," she said finally, not sure if she was really going to ask this question.

"Yes my dear?" Alistair grinned at her and to be honest there was just the hint of a flutter in her heart. She smiled.

"Do you still love me?"

And the grin vanished from his handsome face. He pulled back.

"Lyna, you know why I had to do what I did." he said, looking into his own glass of wine. Lyna felt bad but she had to know. She reached forward, her hand on his knee.

"I didn't ask if you regret your decision," she said gently. "I asked if you still love me."

Alistair looked up and he actually had tears in his eyes.

"I always will Lyna. I wish I didn't, but I always will."

Lyna pulled back in shock.

"Then why did you let me go?" She demanded. This was not the answer she had expected, although really she should have. Alistair's head slumped down.

"Because somebody I respected above all others told me that it was my duty to protect the people, protect Ferelden. Somebody taught me that true sacrifice means putting the needs of others above the needs of myself, and Ferelden needs stability, not a civil war."

Lyna drew back into her chair, her eyes wide, and filled with tears.

"If I'd known you believed me," she tried to joke. " I would have told you to go with the whole dancing the Remigold down the enemy lines routine." Alistair smiled, but it was not a happy smile, and it didn't meet his beautiful eyes.

They sat there in wounded silence for a while, the only sound the crackling fireplace. Lyna wasn't sure now why she had even asked the question she did. It was stupid.

"Do you?" Alistair finally asked, and Lyna looked up in confusion.

"Do I what?" she asked. She realised, just as he said it.

"Do you still love me?" He sounded as nervous as when he had first confessed himself to her.

"Does it matter?' she couldn't help but sound bitter. Alistair's eyes flashed and then he looked away.

"I made a mess of everything didn't I?" he admitted and Lyna nodded.

"I think I helped." she conceded. Then she squeezed his knee again and sat back in her chair, sipping her wine.

They both sat there, watching the fire burn, letting the silence stretch between them.

"I've met somebody." She finally said, and Alistair looked up in shock.

"So you don't love me anymore then." he finally said, and Lyna frowned.

"I didn't say that." she said, and Alistair glared at her. Lyna sighed. "It's not that simple." she said, and drank the last of her wine. The bottle was on the table beside them, and she stood up to stretch her legs and refill their glasses. When she sat down again she curled her legs under herself and looked the man in front of her.

"Ok," She took a deep breath. "So apparently I talk about this stuff too much, but perhaps I need to right now, make it clear. Maybe you can help me figure it out."

Alistair snorted at that thought, but Lyna glared at him and he waved her to continue.

"Thank you." She muttered, and then sipped her wine again. "So, you remember Tamlen?" Alistair had to think for a moment, but then he nodded. "Well I was in love with him. Sort of." she cringed, this really was awkward. "We grew up together and if it hadn't been for that stupid cave we would probably have married and pushed out some babies and what not." She couldn't help but shudder. "And I'm sure I would have been very happy." She didn't look it, but that was because of all the things she had experienced since then.

Alistair opened his mouth, probably to say something supportive, but she shook her head and went on.

"Then the Blight happened, and I met you and even though I wasn't about to say I didn't love Tamlen, I knew it was different. What I felt for you was so much bigger. I think a part of me realised that what we were doing was really the stuff of legends. And our love felt so big." she couldn't help but smile, and Alistair leaned forward a bit too.

"I felt that too." he told her. "I still do."

Lyna shook her head again, just once, needing him to stop speaking.

"But you left me." She held up her hand to stop his protests. "I know why you did it, and I accept it. Logically speaking it was the right thing to do. It's hard enough for some people to accept a Grey Warden as a king, let alone Maric's bastard. Add to that the prospect of a potentially barren Dalish elf as queen? I know that nobody would accept that. They're having a hard enough time accepting me as arlessa in Amaranthine." She gave him a sad smile. "I understand why it had to be done, and considering just how honourable you are, it makes perfect sense that you would take that option. But it still hurt."

Alistair looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn't. Tears flowed down his cheeks though, and Lyna wanted nothing more than to kiss them away. But she resisted, and concentrated on her wine instead.

"So I had to move on with my life. I think I've changed too." She looked up at Alistair. "To be honest, if you knew what I was like now, i don't think you'd love me very much."

"That's not true," Alistair reached out to take her hand, desperate for her to believe him. But Lyna just gave a sad smile and withdrew her hand.

"The man I've met, you would know his name."

"Oh really?" Alistair sat back, one eyebrow raised.

"Nathaniel… Howe." Lyna couldn't help but cringe.

Alistair leapt out of his seat, spilling his wine.

"Howe?" He cried. "Lyna are you mad?"

Lyna just sighed and slipped onto her knees to pick up his wine glass. Thankfully it hadn't shattered, landing on the plush rug beneath their feet. But there was red wine everywhere. She looked around for a cloth, and took one from the tray that had carried the wine. She started to blot up the wine.

"Your majesty." Teagan burst into the room, about to ask what the screaming had been about, when he saw Lyna kneeling in front of Alistair and his cheeks flushed. "oh… um… of course. My apologies. I'll not disturb you." And he pulled the door closed before either of them could react. Lyna looked up at Alistair in confusion, and then they both seemed to realise what Teagan thought he had seen, and they burst out laughing. Alistair sat down again, and helped Lyna tidy up the mess. When things were vaguely tidy, Lyna got to her feet and dropped the cloth on the tray. Then she sat down again, finishing the last of her wine.

"But really Lyna, Howe? Can you even trust him?"

Lyna glared at her former lover.

"With my life." She said. "He's a Grey Warden now, so he's your brother." She smirked at the horrified look on his face. Then she relented. "And he hates what his father has done. It took a while, but he realises that Rendon Howe was a bastard of the lowest order and deserved all he got." She was still bitter about all the bloodshed that monster had caused. Alistair didn't look all that convinced, but he nodded anyway, to show she could continue.

"So are you together now?" he asked her. "You didn't bring him with you to the palace?" Had he missed him? But Lyna gave a bitter laugh.

"No," she replied. "And no. Nathaniel does not trust me. He told me that he can't be with me. So yet again I'm on my own." She frowned, and stared at the fire.

"He's a fool," Alistair moved over so he was seated beside Lyna. "A complete and utter fool. To have you in his life and let you go, it's crazy." He took her empty glass from her and then held her hands in his. Lyna snorted gently.

"Funny, he said the same thing about you."

At least Alistair had the decency to blush.

"Yes well," he started, but Lyna put a finger to his lips.

"Did you trust me?" she asked him. "When we were at camp and Zev would flirt with me, did you trust me?"

Alistair nodded.

"Well," he considered his answer. "I was a bit worried at first, I think I told you that. But when you told me you loved me then I believed you, I trusted you. Why doesn't Howe?"

Lyna drew a breath and felt tears in her eyes again.

"Because I was an idiot." she admitted. "A stupid, selfish idiot. And now I've ruined things."

Alistair moved a little closer and held her hands again.

"Talk to me." he encouraged, and she looked up at him, caught up in the love in his eyes. It would be so simple to just lean forward and kiss him, but she couldn't. Not if she really wanted to have a chance with Nathaniel. But it was so tempting.

Alistair glanced at her lips, and it was as if she was reading her thoughts.

"Do you ever miss the Blight?" he asked, blushing slightly.

"Oh Maker yes!" Lyna cried, and the tension of the moment vanished. "I realised that the Blight was the happiest time of my life. Isn't that terrible."

Alistair gave a small laugh but he nodded.

"We were so free then weren't we." He said. "No real responsibility."

"Well," Lyna added. "Other than having to save the world. So nothing really big!" She winked and Alistair laughed.

"I am so sorry I let you go Lyna. Not a day has gone by that I've not regretted it." And looking at him, she knew it was true.

"But we can't go back, can we?" she wasn't really asking him. It was a statement. Alistair looked tempted but then he shook his head in sad agreement.

"So what will you do about Howe then? Do you need me to order him to love you? I AM his king, after all."

"Oh Maker no!" Lyna laughed, pulling back, but still holding Alistair's hands. "No, that's not what I need. What I need is… what I need is more wine. Can we talk about this tomorrow?"

Alistair looked a bit surprised, but he nodded. He lifted her hands to his mouth and kissed them, his eyes locked with hers the whole time, and that little flutter was back with a vengeance, and it had moved a little lower than her heart now.

"You are an evil man your majesty." Lyna growled and he just smirked at her! This was NOT what she expected.

But nothing more happened, they had their wine and talked of other things, other people, until they ran out of wine and started to slur their words. They staggered back to their rooms and gave each other a kiss goodnight that was a little more than friendly and a little less than erotic. Then they turned in for the night, in separate rooms, and Lyna actually slept well for the first time in a long time.


	10. Chapter 10

**_A/N: Sorry this has taken me so long to update. It's been written for a while, but real life (and shoddy health) got in the way. Hopefully the chapter is worth the wait. Please review. It would be nice to know what people think. _**

* * *

They didn't really have much of a chance to continue their conversation for a few more days. There always seemed to be something to do, a function to attend, a dinner to sit through, a dignitary that wanted to give their greeting to the Hero of Ferelden. It wasn't until the night before Lyna was due to return north that she found herself alone with the King.

"You still haven't told me why he doesn't trust you."

Lyna sighed as she sat in the same position as her first night, feet curled under her, a glass of wine in her hands, and staring at the fire. She could feel Alistair's eyes on her and she didn't know if she could meet his gaze.

"He caught me with somebody else." She finally admitted. She risked a glance at Alistair and he was looking truly shocked. She grimaced. "I had spent so long trying to build up his trust, get him to open up to me, and then I threw it all away because somebody else made a move on me and I gave in." She was back staring at the fire. "I tried to tell Nathaniel how I felt about him, but he said he couldn't trust me. He probably thinks I've spent every night in bed with you since I've been here." she couldn't hide the bitterness in her voice.

"What happened?" Alistair took one of her hands and stroked his thumb over her knuckles. Lyna glanced down at his hand and sighed.

"He is such a private person. He was so hurt by his father, betrayed. He idolised the man and to find out what he had turned in to, it hurt him so much."

"Pretty sure others were more hurt by Rendon Howe," Alistair muttered bitterly and Lyna glared at him.

"Alistair, how would you feel if you suddenly found out that Duncan had tortured people in his spare time?" she asked him and Alistair flinched as if he'd been hit. He opened his mouth to voice protest but then shut it again with a snap and nodded.

"Fair enough." He muttered, and Lyna gave him a grim smile.

"So I've been trying for so long to get him to open up and trust me. At first it was to save my skin. He wanted to kill me." Before Alistair could voice his obvious protest Lyna glared at him. "One word. Zevran." Alistair frowned and pouted a little, but he conceded her point. Lyna's smile was a bit warmer this time, but still barely touched her eyes.

She sipped her wine, back to watching the flames.

"Gradually I got to know him, and I found myself opening up to him." She smiled at the memory. "He was such a good listener, and he always seemed to know what questions to ask. I confided in him, and I started to feel relaxed, and cared for, and safe." She looked at Alistair. "I have missed feeling safe. It feels like it's been a life time since I felt safe."

The look on Alistair's face was heartbreaking.

"I'm sorry."

Lyna shook her head.

"Don't worry about it." She squeezed his hand. Then she considered her next words.

"We have another Grey Warden. Anders. You granted him immunity, he fled from the Circle about a dozen times or something ridiculous. You met him when you came to the Keep."

Alistair nodded in memory.

"Scruffy blond guy?" he asked and Lyna nodded.

"That pretty much sums him up." She smiled. "But he's a good man, and a brilliant healer. He is the one that Nathaniel caught me with." And her frown was back. She felt so sick with guilt.

"Tell me about it." Alistair encouraged, and she glanced over at him.

"You know, this is what I do with Nate," she admitted. "I see now why he got so upset about it."

Alistair pulled away, offended, and Lyna groaned as she realised what she had said.

"No," she pulled his hand back. "I mean, he would come and sit with me in my study of an evening and we would talk. He would talk about his life in the Free Marches, or when his father didn't seem such a bastard, and I would talk about, well I would talk about how much I loved you." She frowned. "No wonder he was so upset. I thought we were growing closer, but all I was doing was talking about a man he thought he could never replace."

"I'm nothing special." Alistair muttered, and Lyna rolled her eyes.

"You helped stop the Blight." She reminded him. "You saved your kingdom from civil war and…" She smirked. "You're damned good at licking lamp posts."

Alistair looked up in shock and then burst out laughing.

"Oh now why don't I have that announced at royal functions?" he teased. "It might make people more interested in what I have to say!"

Lyna laughed out loud, and just enjoyed the moment. Then the silence descended and she turned her gaze back to the fire.

"I think I'm too used to being loved." She said. "That sounds so arrogant, to be annoyed about that." She glanced at her companion and he looked so confused.

"You deserve to be loved." He insisted, and Lyna shook her head.

"I'm not so sure about that." She said. "Nate thinks that I love the idea of being loved. He thinks that you and Tamlen, and I have no idea who else, put me up on a pedestal and I'm so used to being adored that I don't realise how much I hurt people."

Alistair was ready to disagree, but Lyna looked at him.

"I think he's right Alistair. I told you, I've changed." And she was crying. Alistair took their wine glasses, put them down on the table, and then gathered her into his arms, letting her cry against his chest.

"Losing Tamlen hurt, but I was caught up in the Blight." She mumbled into his shirt. "Losing you almost killed me, and I swore I'd never let myself get so hurt. But it was never my fault, and now I have another chance, two more than most people seem to get, and I've ruined it because I'm an idiot."

"Oh hush," Alistair rubbed her back. "You're not an idiot. You're just a bit silly."

Lyna looked up at him, her eyes red, and she pouted at him.

"I thought you were meant to make me feel better." She sulked, and Alistair leaned down and kissed her on the nose.

"I would do whatever it took to make you feel better, if I thought it would actually work." He told her, and Lyna was so tempted. From the way Alistair's pupils dilated, it looked like he wouldn't need much encouragement either, but then he shook his head. "You were never like this Lyna, what happened to the strong and noble woman I fell in love with?"

Lyna pulled herself away from his embrace, and sat against the arm of the chair.

"I told you, I changed." She was still sulking, and she pulled her knees up to her chin. She looked so tiny, sitting there, and it was always hard to believe that this small creature had killed the archdemon.

"But why?" Alistair pried. "Why did you change? What happened?"

Lyna glared at Alistair.

"What? Losing the love of my life because I'm barren and a filthy knife ear isn't reason enough?"

Alistair half expected to see venom drip on to the floor.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "Do you want me to take it back?"

Lyna blinked.

"What?" She asked.

"Well," Alistair considered it. He'd just blurted it out, but now he considered it. "I mean, we could always adopt, something like that, lie about it? I don't know." He leaned forward towards her. "Do you want to come back to me? Be my queen?"


	11. Chapter 11

Lyna burst out laughing. She couldn't help it. It was shock, more than anything else.

"I'm serious." Alistair insisted, looking more than a little offended.

"No you're not Alastair." She finally said, and Alistair frowned.

"I could be!" He told her. "We could make it work."

Lyna shook her head. She was going to tell him they couldn't, but suddenly he pulled her towards him, and crushed his mouth to hers. She took a moment to react, but then she slipped her arms around him, and lay back, straightening her legs so he could move over her.

The passion was still there, obviously, but there was something missing. When they broke from the kiss, Alistair looked into her eyes, his breath as heavy as hers.

"I would take you back to me in a heartbeat Lyna," he murmured. "But I won't take a woman in love with another man." And he rolled off her and stood up by the fire.

Lyna was panting slightly as she watched him, and then she stood up herself, walking over to the window, although the heavy curtains were drawn against the dark night.

"I wonder if the Pearl is hiring," she muttered, and Alistair stared at her in shock. Lyna looked up at him. "What?" She grumbled "I'm starting to feel like I'd fit right in there. First I let Anders kiss me only moments after almost kissing Nate, and then I'm on my back for the king, after saying I didn't love you any more. If I'm so desperate to get on my back for people I may as well get paid for it."

"Oh just shut up!" Alistair groaned, and walked over to her, gripping her shoulders and turning her to face him. "Lyna, you have suffered. So much. I always hoped that I could be a bright spot in your life, and then I turned you away, and it was the biggest mistake I ever made. But you have a chance now to be happy again and you are not going to waste it by feeling sorry for yourself."

Lyna, who had been softening with his words, stiffened again.

"I am NOT feeling sorry for myself!" she insisted. "I'm realising what I am."

"Oh really?" Alistair growled. "And what's that? You think you're a whore? Is that it?"

"I'm starting to feel like one." She muttered, looking at her feet.

"So what? You're going to work in the Pearl and that will help how?"

At first Lyna couldn't answer, but finally she looked up at him.

"At least I'll get laid!"

Alistair stared and then he burst out laughing. Lyna pushed him away.

"Shut up Alistair!" she cried. "Do you know how long it's been?"

Alistair quirked an eyebrow.

"So that's all that this is? You're just what? Feeling frisky?"

"No!" she insisted, although she was still pouting. "But it HAS been a while." Alistair shook his head.

"Have you been with anybody since… I mean, since you and I…"

Lyna shook her head.

"No," she sulked.

"Me neither," Alistair admitted. "Well, I mean, except for Morrigan." He shuddered. "I still don't believe I did that."

Lyna glared at him.

"If you hadn't, I would have died." She reminded him.

"Trust me love, that's the only reason I did it." He reassured her, and Lyna rolled her eyes.

"Oh I'm sure it was such a burden." She muttered and Alistair looked so hurt.

"It was actually." He told her. "The night before I thought one of us would die, there were better ways I would have liked to spend my evening. But I did what I was told, made the sacrifice, and you survived."

Lyna found it a bit hard to be annoyed at him after that. She groaned and sat down again.

"It's easier for you though." She said, bringing the conversation back to the earlier topic.

"Easier? How?" Alistair asked, sitting beside her. Lyna blushed.

"You know." She mumbled and Alistair shook his head.

"How is it easier?"

Lyna glared, and then lifted her hand.

"You know." She mumbled again, and joined her fingers in a ring, shaking her wrist up and down. It took Alistair a moment but then he burst out laughing.

"Oh Lyna, trust me, it is nothing like the same." He told her when he finally managed to stop laughing. "My hand is no where near as satisfying as, well, you. But you can look after yourself as well, right? I seem to remember that one night…"

Lyna's cheeks were bright red as she glared at him.

"It's not as much fun when you're not watching." She told him, embarrassed. Alistair just started to laugh again, and eventually Lyna joined in. "I've missed you." She admitted, and Alistair nodded, patting his lap. She lay down, her head resting against his thigh, facing the fire, and he started stroking her hair.

"If you hadn't lost Tamlen, do you think you would have been happy with him?" he asked her after a few moments silence.

Lyna shrugged, as best she could in the position she was in.

"Probably. But while I'm sorry about what happened to him, I don't regret my life since."

Alistair nodded.

"And we could have been happy too." She told him.

"I know." Alistair replied, "But now you have a chance with Nate."

"Don't call him that. He doesn't like people calling him that." Lyna cut in. Alistair frowned.

"But you were calling him that." He pointed out, and Lyna shuddered.

"Yeah well, I used to be allowed to, but not anymore." She admitted. "I messed that up too." She sighed.

"You'll be able to call him that again." Alistair reassured her. "You just need to stop pretending and be yourself again. You'll make him fall in love with you and you will finally be happy, and stay happy." He leaned forward and kissed her gently on her temple. "You deserve to be happy Lyna. You really do."

Lyna drew a shuddering breath.

"What if I lose him too?" She whispered, and Alistair wanted to cheer. She was finally being honest. He knew that was probably the real root of the problem.

"You won't." he told her. "not if you tell him how you feel, and you show him you can be trusted. It's not you Lyna. I know you, and I know how you think. You did not cause Tamlen's death. You didn't make me leave you. You didn't do anything to deserve any of the bad things that have happened to you, but if you don't stop this self destructive behaviour you will be responsible for losing Nathaniel."

Lyna sat up and stared at the man beside her.

"When the hell did you get so mature?" she asked him, and Alistair laughed.

"Um, king? Remember?" he smiled at her. "I love you Lyna. I always will. But I want you to be happy now, and that's not going to be with me. So go to your room, pack your things, and then go back to Vigil's Keep tomorrow and make that man realise that you are the best thing that could ever happen to him."

Lyna beamed at him, and grabbed him, kissing him deeply.

"Thank you." She grinned, and then jumped up from the sofa. "Thank you." And she ran from the room.

Alistair's smile stayed on his face until the minute she was out the door. And then he slumped back into the seat.

"Andraste's flaming knickers." He groaned, and poured himself another glass of wine, contemplating the state of his crotch. Then he glanced at his hand and sighed.

"Nowhere near as good." He sighed. "I'm sorry hand, but I just don't love you." And he gulped the wine, trying not to cry as he made himself accept he had yet again sent away the only woman he could ever see himself loving.


	12. Chapter 12

_**A/N: Sorry I've been so slack with this. I just keep losing track of time. Unemployment is BAAAAD for that sort of thing (but good for things like sleeping!) **_

_**Anyway, this is mostly about my true brOTP - Nathanders. Is that a name? Did I make that up? I'm sure it's been done before. Anyway. Here they are.**_

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When they heard at the Keep that Lyna was due back, Nathaniel was desperate to think of something he could do to not be there when she arrived.

"We're actually at peace Nathaniel, where are you going to go?" Anders asked, leaning against his friend's door. "A week's camping trip to make sure the plants are safe?"

Nathaniel glared at the mage.

"I'm sure there's something I can do." He muttered, looking around for his pack.

"Nothing that doesn't involve me freezing you to the spot." Anders told him. "Don't think I won't do it too." He called up the ice magic that would carry out his threat and Nathaniel glared at him.

"You wouldn't dare."

"Then don't run away." Anders said. "I didn't always think you were a genius Howe, but I never took you as a coward."

"I'm not a coward!" Nathaniel growled, and Anders took it as a sign of their developing friendship that he didn't make the statement with his dagger against Anders' throat.

"Oh really?" Anders arched an eyebrow. "I thought it was only cowards that ran away."

Nathaniel glared at Anders a bit more and then he slumped down on his bed.

"I told her I loved her." He said, his head in his hands. When Anders said nothing Nathaniel looked up. Anders blinked.

"What?"

"I said that I told her I loved her." Nathaniel repeated and Anders nodded.

"I know. And?"

"How do you know?" he frowned. Anders rolled his eyes and sat down beside his friend, his hand no longer frosty.

"I was listening." He said, as if it was obvious. "You never would have told me if I hadn't."

Nathaniel hit the mage in the arm, and immediately Anders' hand was blue again with ice.

"Hey!" he grunted, and Nathaniel held his hands up in surrender. Anders watched him for a moment longer and then waved the magic away. "So? You told her you loved her, she said she loved you, and then you let her go. What are you going to do about it?"

Nathaniel growled.

"If you were listening, you know what happened." He pointed out.

"You said you didn't trust her. And ok, fair enough, but to be honest I DID come on to her." Anders admitted, and had the decency to look a little sheepish.

"Why did you do that?" Nathaniel asked, having wanted to know for so long.

"Because I could." Anders admitted. "Look, she's an attractive woman, and the whole powerful thing is very sexy. But before you ask, I'm not in love with her. I just try to make her laugh."

"Yes well," Nathaniel muttered dryly. "That would explain why you might want to get naked with her, that would be sure to make her laugh!"

"HEY!" Anders cried indignantly. "I'll have you know that I am quite well regarded in certain circles!"

Nathaniel rolled her eyes.

"The whores in the brothels HAVE to say that sort of stuff, that's what you pay them for." He muttered.

"You mean they didn't really love me?" Anders pretended to be shocked, and Nathaniel just shook his head.

"Remind me again why we became friends?" he grumbled, and Anders just smirked at him.

"But back to the original topic. Why are you running away?"

Nathaniel growled and stood up.

"I told her I didn't trust her and she has spent the last two weeks with her ex-lover. The king of Ferelden. You know? The other half of that 'epic love story that will inspire the balladeers for centuries'?" He growled. "She'll come back, and she'll be embarrassed." He straightened up as he had a thought. "You know, I'd actually be doing her a favour. She's probably engaged to the king by now. She probably feels embarrassed about what she said to me, and if I'm not here it will make things better. So I should just leave, maybe I can go to Orlais, join the wardens there or something. Or Weisshaupt Fortress."

"oh now I know you're insane." Anders stood up as well, shaking his head. "Trust me, you don't want to go there. It's in the Anderfels. As in, where I'm from? Do you really want to risk being stuck in a country full of people like me?"

Nathaniel glared at him, but then he sat down again.

"How am I meant to cope?" he finally said. "She'll come back here, smiling and happy, and it will be because she's been back with her one true love, and I just have to stand by and say I'm happy for her because otherwise she might have me assassinated when she becomes Queen. If not before."

"So the only reason you would be hurt would be because your life might be in danger?" Anders asked, staring at the brooding man.

Nathaniel glared again.

"Well that and my heart will be broken. But that's sounds a bit too much like the sort of romantic twaddle my sister might have spouted when she was younger, so we might miss that bit."

"Oh Andraste's Knicker Weasels, will somebody spare me from these fools." Anders cried to the ceiling. Then he sat back down beside Nathaniel. "She said she loves you. Ok, so she had a lousy way of showing it, but if she has gone back on that it's her loss, not yours. If she has gone back on what she said to you, she is the one that should hide, not you. She is the one that has something to be ashamed of, not you. And the best revenge you can have is to stand there and greet her, and let her see that nothing she does can hurt you."

Nathaniel was going to protest, but Anders kept talking.

"And then, when you've convinced her of that, we go to the town, get very very very drunk, and we find you a whore or three to keep you company while she shivers in her cold and drafty room."

Nathaniel stared for a moment and then he laughed.

"Anders, I never thought I'd say it, but I'm glad you are my friend."

Any further conversation was interrupted by the announcement that the party had returned and they were all expected to meet the returning Commander.

"Show time," Anders muttered, and stood up. Nathaniel felt sick to his stomach, but he eventually made it to his feet as well.

"She's in the wrong. She's in the wrong. She's in the wrong," he muttered as a mantra.

"And if that fails," Anders added with a grin as they left Nathaniel's room. "I'll just stick my tongue down your throat and she can REALLY see that you've moved on!"

Nathaniel stopped in his tracks and stared at the man in front of him. Anders walked a few steps further and then stopped, looking back over his shoulder.

"Come on big boy!" He smirked, and shimmied his hips.

"Anders," Nathaniel started walking again. "Promise me something."

"Anything, big boy." He replied, all breathy.

"Never EVER call me big boy again." And he made his way down the corridor, not looking at the mage.

"Ok," Anders replied, and kept walking, a few steps behind Nathaniel. "Stud muffin."

"ANDERS!"


End file.
